Billi Jean Read online

  He always made her feel so small and safe, but being in his arms again felt like he was ripping her apart. She tried to stop her tears, struggled even harder to listen, but the pain filled her and there was nowhere for it to go. She’d reached her limits, she supposed. The tears hurt, but there was no force on earth strong enough to stem them.

  Russell made a rough sound in his throat, like a groan of pain. “I love you. I love you so damn much. Shhh, don’t cry like this. It’s killing me. Sunshine, I’m so fucking sorry.”

  She let him soothe her, his big, warm body hard yet so gentle with her. He murmured to her, holding her tight but stroking her back like she was fragile, as if she might break. And she felt like she would. She felt all the hurt, the pain, the fear building and flowing out of her. The past year, the attack, her father’s death, the running and then his betrayal all mixed until she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed him. Wanted so badly to believe he hadn’t gone to another that she felt the wish like an ache among all the others.

  “Baby, please, baby. Shhh, I swear to God, the only time I’ve lied to you was on the phone when I said I was too tired to come here. And, fuck, I was. Tired, hurt and, yeah, angry. It’s happened before, you know? Not that I cared a fuck at the time, but with you? Baby, you’ve got me. You’re all I ever wanted when I didn’t even know I wanted it.” His deep voice broke, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. “You’ve got me, heart and soul, and hearing about you with two guys—”

  Pulling back she covered his mouth with her hand, lingering over where she’d hurt him. “They were agents. Agents, Russell.”

  Every muscle in his body tensed. She felt it. Under her hand, his face clenched and those grey eyes grew cold and hard. Slowly, he reached up and took her hand off his mouth. His eyes blazed with intensity, but he gently twined his fingers with hers. “Say that again, baby.”

  She bit her lip, and he reached up and rubbed his other hand under her eyes, drying her tears gently with his fingers.

  “I saw a hit. I wasn’t in an accident. I didn’t move here because I wanted to; I saw a member of the Russian mob kill a woman outside a club. It’s why the agents sent me here…only they needed me to identify the men that attacked me. That’s why I went to the hotel. They had it set up so I could see some photos.” She trailed off as he dropped his hand from her face and his other hand grew painfully tight on hers. “Russell, you’re hurting my hand.”

  Immediately, Russell eased his grip but the tension didn’t change. He was angry. “And your name?”

  And her name? Of all the things to ask her, that was it?

  “Your name. It’s not Susan. Did you not trust me enough with that?”

  Trust. How could she tell him how much she trusted him? Had trusted him? “I have always, from the first day, trusted you Russell. The agents didn’t. I was to tell no one. I shouldn’t—”

  “Tell. Me. Your. Name.”

  She nodded at the order. “Sarah. But everyone calls me Lacey.”

  “Lacey.” He said it oddly, as if that pissed him off even more. She tried to pull away, but he wasn’t having it. He crushed her to his chest. “And when I said your name, when I said I loved you. When I made love to you. It wasn’t your name,” he whispered raggedly against her neck, his warm breath doing odd things to her.

  “Russell.”

  He pulled up to stare down at her. “Lacey.” His eyes were darker now, more intense as if he was considering something and hadn’t decided what it was.

  “I liked Susan. It was a good name. It’s still my name. Sarah died. She didn’t survive the attack. If she had, she’d be scared.”

  “Scared enough to sleep in a U-Haul.”

  She nodded. “Yeah,” she answered softly.

  The lines around his mouth deepened in displeasure. “What is it you think I do, Lacey?”

  “Do?” She tried for dumb, but his frown deepened and he tightened his hand on hers.

  “You were a SEAL. You do security now. Protect people.”

  “Yeah, I protect people who don’t mean shit to me, Lacey. Men, women, children who will never know me, never matter to me. And the one person in this fucked-up world who does, doesn’t trust me enough to fucking—”

  “Russell! Stop! Stop right there! How do you know I wouldn’t have told you? How do you know that wasn’t one of the things I was planning on telling you two nights ago?”

  That seemed to break through the anger enough for him to at least blink at her. His face softened by the tiniest degree, and he raised his hand to wipe at her tears again.

  He sighed heavily and cupped her cheek. “Damn it, Sunshine, what are we going to do with you? You’re enough to make a man consider tying you to the bed to keep your ass out of trouble.” His soft voice was in complete contrast to the words he was speaking.

  She huffed a laugh and leaned her head against his chest, so tired she was more than willing to forgive him, simply because she wanted to sleep.

  “Your hair is blonde,” he suddenly said against her hair. His erection was a hard, thick wedge between them, making her body tingle awake after so many weeks without him. “For me?” he asked quietly.

  “Yeah, for you,” she agreed with a sigh.

  “Sus—Lacey, look at me, baby.” He tipped her head up, cupped her neck, and he used a thumb to tip her chin up so she would meet his eyes. It was intimate, so male it had her heart racing. “I didn’t let her touch me. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I was…”—he closed his grey eyes and touched his forehead to hers—“a stupid bastard, but not that much of a dumbass.”

  “I would never have done such a thing, Russell. You should have known that. You were my first. How would I go to another? Why? When you were on your way home, safe?” Her voice broke, and he grimaced like she’d hit him.

  “I know. Fuck, I know. I was jealous, baby, pissed, jealous and…yeah, hurt. It hurt like a son of a bitch.”

  “I know. It hurt me, too. And pissed me off.”

  He chuckled. She leant back to see a grin on his face. “Yeah, I noticed that. You’re quiet the angry kitten, baby.”

  “You left.”

  “Fuck that. I went to get my truck keys and bag.”

  Glancing down, she noticed his duffel bag for the first time. She noticed something else too. Another bag.

  “And I’m taking you to the ranch. No way are you staying here. If you went to ID some guy, don’t you think they’ll know you’re still alive? Still walking? What were those agents thinking—and how the hell did they get hold of you—?”

  She reached down and wriggled her hand into his jeans. He stuttered to a stop when she cupped his erection, sliding her hand over the swollen length to the rounded head and thumbing the pre-cum all round the slit. His words died that simply. Completely.

  “Ah, hell.”

  “I want my makeup sex. I want my welcome home sex. I want my you’re sorry and you’ll never doubt me again sex. And I want it now. You owe me. Owe me for the lasering I had done. You owe me for sitting at a salon for hours to get the dye out of my hair, and you owe me for a dinner I made for you while you were out being a sorry bastard SEAL idiot and not trusting me. Now, enough talking, Russell Ryland. I want sex.” She squeezed him again for emphasis and was rewarded by a husky male groan and his erection jerking in her hand. He was thick, hard as steel, and she needed him inside her now.

  “Fuck, Sunshine.”

  “Yes, now. Fuck me, now.”

  His grey eyes blazed and suddenly she was in his arms, his mouth crushing hers with a kiss that stole her breath with its intensity.

  He pulled up just as suddenly. “I love you, no matter what your fucking name is, I love you.”

  Before she could say the same, he took her mouth again. He didn’t just kiss her, he was laying claim. His mouth marked her with teeth, lips and tongue, letting her know exactly how much he’d missed her, needed her and, God help her, loved her. And she gave it right back, sucking on his tongue, eating at his mouth, s
ipping at his lips while she tugged his silky hair and tried to climb up his body.

  The bedroom door slammed behind him.

  “I’m going to fuck you so good, baby. You want that, don’t you? Hard and fast, so deep, so deep you’ll feel me for days. Then I’m going to claim that ass. It’s mine. You’re mine. All mine. Tonight, and from now on.”

  “God, Russell.” The breath left her on a whoosh of lust.

  “Ah, baby, you know you’ll love it. There’re not going to be any more trips, no more days without you, no more separation. Just you and me, until we don’t know where one ends and the other begins.”

  Oh, God, that was so hot. So Russell. A shiver raced over her at his words. She knew he’d do exactly as he’d promised. He’d warned her before he’d left. His thick fingers had prepared her rear that night. He’d told her that he wanted her. All of her. And he would have her.

  “Say it. Say it, Lacey, let me hear you say it. You’re mine. Now. Always. Mine. Say it.” He dropped her down on the bed and ripped her yoga pants off, with a heavy groan at the sight of her purple thong. He reached out with one big hand and cupped her, gently but firmly. Grey eyes pinned her in place, but set her heart racing. “Mine. This is mine. All of it,” he growled. His hand slipped beneath her thong and stroked back to her rear to cup her in between her legs. “This, too, this is mine. Say it, Sunshine. Say it.”

  Her breasts tightened painfully, and she knew he felt the flood of moisture filling her as it wet his hand. He groaned low and rubbed his palm against her, his big fingers digging into her rear.

  “Yours. Oh, Russell, now. I want you now.” And she did. She was soaked. Dripping wet for him. She wanted him. Anything and everything he could give her. Her pussy was empty and she wanted to be filled. She wanted him there, and she wanted that forbidden pleasure he’d promised he’d take. She’d give it. She wanted him wild. She wanted him so overcome with his desire he took her, claimed her like he’d never claimed another.

  “Damn right, baby. Right now.”

  “I want you. All of you. Everywhere. You’re mine, too, Russell.” She knelt before him and watched as he stripped, tugging his shirt off with a snap of buttons to reveal his firm chest and tight, muscled abs. She stopped his hands on his belt and tugged it free, unbuttoned his Wranglers and unzipped to take his straining erection in her hand.

  Six weeks. Six weeks of remembering him and here he was. So huge. The thick head of his cock was swollen, dripping wet and the crest was flared red above the thick, pink shaft. And he wanted this in her ass?

  “Will we fit?”

  He groaned and reached for her face, cupping her cheeks, and bent to kiss her with such heat she nearly climaxed.

  “Gently. I’ll take that ass so tenderly you’ll only feel pleasure and the burn of such heat, such passion, it’ll sear us, make us one.”

  She wanted that. She wanted to feel him owning every part of her he wanted. If he wanted, she knew she’d give.

  “Yes, I want that Russell. I want to feel you there.”

  The sound he made at her confession made her stomach dip. She couldn’t stand it any longer. His erection smelt so good—warm, musky Russell—and the tip was right there, a breath away from her lips. She rubbed her cheek along the shaft and breathed his scent in. He smelt like clean soap and spicy Russell. No one would ever smell him like she did. She knew it with a certainty that made her feel reckless with her possession of him. Brave.

  Russell suddenly bent down and tore her shirt off, groaning at her lacy bra, and then unhooked it and jerked the lace off her as well.

  “Panties, fuck, take those panties off. I need more than a blow job, baby. I need to fuck you so bad, I’m getting desperate.”

  She stood up on the bed and balanced with a hand on his big shoulder so she could shimmy out of her panties. He was stroking himself, his big hand running up and down his length, while his other hand cupped her thigh. He began kissing up the inside of her leg.

  “Russell.”

  “I want to taste first, baby. Just a taste. Remember? You had me coming so hard on that phone thinking of you. Lift that leg, here.” He tugged one leg over his shoulder, opening her up to his eyes and then, oh God, his tongue.

  He didn’t waste time. She doubted he could. And she was so hot, she gasped as a mini-climax rippled up her tummy when his tongue licked along her clit. She reached out and gripped the bedpost to keep from falling. Russell was warm skin under her thigh, his lips and tongue so wonderful she couldn’t stop herself from bucking into his mouth.

  He dipped his tongue against her opening and slipped one finger along her rear, then back to her pussy spreading her moisture, she guessed, but it felt so good she gasped.

  “Russell!” She arched her hips, opened her thighs wide and screamed his name again when he drove his long fingers into her empty pussy. His mouth began moving in time with her hips, licking her in slow, steady strokes. So close. Then he moved his hand. His finger slipped from her and slowly slid to her rear, circling the small opening with her wetness once, then pressed slowly in as his other fingers drove into her pussy.

  A scream erupted from her lips. She exploded, the unfamiliar thickness making her wild as Russell pressed down, not gently, no, but with deep strokes of his thick finger, matching the ones in her pussy until she was sobbing at the feel, the pleasure of it. He held her tight in his other hand, mashing her hips close to his face so she couldn’t escape. Not that she would have.

  “Russell, oh, God!”

  “Yeah, baby, that’s it.” He rubbed his tongue over that most sensitive part of her body he seemed to find so wonderfully and began taking her up again, and all she could do was tighten her hands in his hair as he added another finger to her rear, stretching her tiny opening slowly. His fingers felt big, but slick with her release. She should have been embarrassed, but the time for that was gone, long gone. Russell was all she wanted, needed. He completed her, made her strong and whole and what he did to her? Amazing.

  “Good, so tight, so fucking tight. Your little ass is sucking me baby, sucking my fingers like a greedy little mouth. It’s gonna be so hot. So hot.”

  “Russell! Oh, God, that feels…”

  “Tell me, baby. Tell me.”

  “I…good, it feels good.” And it did. Forbidden, a bit frightening, but he rubbed along a spot that had her biting her lip. “Good.”

  “Ah, fuck, I’m going to make it so good. You drive me crazy. I want this, so fucking bad. I never knew…never thought… You’re gonna love my cock in this pretty ass. Come for me once more. Once more, baby. Do it. Now.”

  He added his tongue to her clit, demanding her surrender with such a soft, licking suck, she screamed as her body clamped down on his fingers. The sensations were so incredible she was only half aware when he rose from between her legs and placed the head of his cock against her pussy. But she was aware his thick fingers still impaled in her ass. He pulled her legs up to her chest and turned her to her side, exposing her for his possession.

  A rush of lust hit her stomach.

  “God, Russell, oh, God.”

  His face flushed darker and he swooped down to nip at her lips. “So fucking beautiful, baby. I love you so much.”

  A sob broke from her mouth, and she grabbed his strong neck to kiss his face. “I love you, Russell. I love you.”

  His dark eyes met hers and she saw such tender emotions mix with his lust, she kissed him again. “Love you so much, Russell.”

  “Aw, baby. That makes me crazy. Say it again while I make you mine. Take me, take me baby. Fuck me good. Get wild.”

  She shifted her butt, wild for him and so wet, and moaned at the feel of his heavy cock against her entrance. His eyes met and held hers, the grey depths filled with such warmth, such need that she shivered. He was on fire, hot, panting with need, his body tense and ready for her. With a groan, he suddenly shoved forward, impaling her with his thick cock to his balls on the first thrust. They both cried out and his fi
ngers released her ass only to grab her hips and press her down to accept more of him with each urgent thrust.

  She could feel every thick inch of his veined, ridged cock this way. It was amazing and frightening to think he wanted that big penis in her rear. The excitement that added to the sex was explosive. “Oh, my God. Russell!”

  “Baby, ah, God. Yeah, take me, take me, any way you want, baby. Say it.”

  “Russell, please, oh, God, hard, harder, more!”

  His eyes burned into hers, and his hands tightened on her, holding her down so all she could do was experience each sensation as he drove her higher. She gasped for breath. Her body trembled on the brink as Russell thundered into her, using his entire body to take her higher and higher.

  A tremble started deep inside and suddenly she was coming. She screamed his name as the experience grew and grew until she feared how deep the orgasm would go. Above her, Russell groaned, fighting for control, and lunged over her.

  That was all it took. She lost it, completely gave up on trying to control her climax and fell into a spin of pleasure that had her toes curling and her legs shuddering. Russell kept her pinned in place, his heavy, muscled body and thrusts making her wild.

  “There, there. Take, it baby, take it!”

  “Russell. Love you, love you, love you!”

  He tugged her hair and tipped her head back to kiss her deeply, loving her mouth with a desperation that had her hugging his neck tight, surrendering everything to him as he took her body and gave her all of his.

  He pulled out when the last tremble eased and flicked her clit with his finger. Pleasure shot up her spine, and with a rush of oxygen she felt him press the velvet head of his cock to her rear.

  “Press back, baby, take me. Make me wild.”

  He didn’t give her time to think, merely feel, as he thumbed her clit, trailing his lips down to her breast and torturing her with soft, gentle sucks on the aching tip. She gasped when he pressed his stiff shaft deeper, forcing her small opening to widen for him. A shimmer of fear made its way past the pleasure, but Russell soothed her with his hands and hot, wet kisses to her heated flesh.